Wednesday, May 6, 2009


Had a commercial audition today. It was amazing how different this audition was compared to the auditions i used to get pre-show. I used to get called in like cattle with at least 4o other girls, clumped into a big, ugly room with fold-up chairs, and forced to wait for at least 45 min to an hour to even get my turn. Then i'd get one line reading, no adjustment at all from the director, and sent off to "wait." The key to doing this job without wanting pry your eyes out with something jagged, is to NEVER "wait." The minute you walk out of an audition you must accept that you did not get the role. It's a very difficult thing to do, especially when you were super excited about the role to begin with. 

OK- back to today...why was today different? My manager says we have more leverage right now. These teen shows attract a younger audience that can't yet afford DVRs and are thus forced to sit through commercials. Because the DVR is basically ruining tv right now (i can explain in more detail if you'd like but i think its pretty obvious....snack foods, insurance companies, coke companies....they all fund these tv shows with their commercials means no ads which means no funding) because the dvr is ruining tv and there are only a few market groups (ie young teenage girls and boys) left available without access to dvrs...commercials actually WANT me to sell their shit. Does that make sense? I guess since my show is such a teen oriented show... 

Oh well, who cares how it happened...the point is that i walked into the audition and was met...MET by a lovely little man (like 5 feet 5 inches) in a purple suit who immediately escorted me into a private meeting with the director who actually PITCHED the commercial concept to me. As though i were some big, name celebrity he was trying to win over. So, in other words, i had the part before i walked in the door and they were selling ME. My how things have changed in a year. Perhaps life post-show won't be so boring after all. 

I'm home now from that and dressed to go to the gym. I've decided that i've had enough training sessions that i ought to be able to train myself for a little while. So i'm going to the gym (not gonna lie, kinda hoping to see J there)....and i'm gonna stay for 3 hours...or at least until i'm too exhausted to move. 

Watched the biggest loser last night....i'm fucking in love with Tara Costa...she's incredible! But that breakdown she had with Jillian Michaels in her bedroom was heart wrenching. I identified wayyyy too much with her feelings of chaos and lack of balance. It's amazing how much i related to her in that one episode. Did any of you ladies catch it? 


  1. Wow, that's awesome that you've come so far!
    I don't watch the biggest loser, I had a class with one of the winner's daughters a few years ago. haha, random.

  2. Hey Anabullshit, love your writing. I am interested in talking to you. I'm making a documentary film about obesity in America and I am talking to people who view food in a different light than the typical overweight American citizen. People who are vegan, and raw foodists, and Muslims who fast during the entire month of Ramadan, and pro-ana girls who are proud of their self-control and who could teach us all a thing or two about resisting unnecessary calories. I would be honored to talk to you or a pro-ana friend of yours. email

  3. totally agree with both girls ubove!!

  4. I love your blog and read it daily, but, my girl I feel like I should tell you to take down the earlier postings that are pretty specific about the roll you got, as soon as that airs, I know that I'm going to know who you are, and I'm just worried about you. Please Please Please, just cut out the part about who is airing it and what you will be doing Lots of love!!

  5. I feel bad for teens who have to sit through commercials, ha ha. Good luck!

  6. Hurry back to us... I miss your posts.

  7. I used to visit your blog first thing every day... where are you? I really hope you are well.
    There hasn't been a blogger like you since
    Ophelia x x

  8. I agree with Ophelia.
    We miss you

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