Friday, January 22, 2010


Hey guys,

so, If anyone is even reading this, my show got pulled. Things got kinda out of hand recently and I was forced into a treatment facility by my manager. It was pretty much the most rotten few months of my computer access, no television....NO FUCKING BOOKS. I've been "inside" before, but this was the worst! The studio decided to can the 12 episodes we shot because the press had already gotten wind of my "incarceration"- fucking Paparazzi and their career destroying bullshit- Gaga's got it right. Luckily everything was pretty much preempted by the studio saving their butts and I suppose mine...but DAMN IT. I mean, I'm sure you can imagine what it might feel like to get everything you ever dreamed of then have it snatched out from under your nose.

Not just that, but my weight is something OBSCENE! I will likely tell you in my next post, I just can't bring myself to type the number its so odious.

I'm back in LA and back living with my dad again. He and I aren't really speaking at the moment because I FULLY blame him for what went down last year. I can't really go into any sordid details about my auditions anymore....its too dangerous. I have a suspicion I got too open about EVERYTHING and that was my downfall. But luckily my agent didnt let go of me and I have auditions lined up starting next week...NO DETAILS!

ps- tricks for weighing in- 1) DRINK OBSCENE AMOUNTS OF WATER BEFORE HAND but whatever you do DO NOT pee in the building. Wait until you are outside then find a fast food joint or restaraunt! It is literally in their notes to watch you and make sure you arent water loading 2) Wear layers but keep them tight so it doesnt look like you're trying to hide anything. 3) soy sauce=water retention! 4) water bras- they come in many sizes and you can just think of them as free weights! 5) sew rocks into the pocket lining of one of your old sweatshirts...its already bulky, usually a safe bet :)

So hopefully by my next post my weight will be something minutely less shameful...though I don't see how that's possible now that I have such a freakin long way to go again. Please wish me luck....I really hope I havent lost you guys.


  1. Sorry to hear about your show being pulled, I can't imagine how frustrated you must be.

    Good Luck pulling things back together now that you're on the 'outside'

  2. SO glad you're back!! I had lost hope.

    good luck getting back into the swing of things :)

  3. SO glad to hear you are back... I hope you get things back on track soon, darling, and it blows about your show. Something else will come up.

  4. I worried for a long long time. Life offers so many chances! Welcome back.

  5. Welcome back love! I'm sorry to hear about all of the bad things. Unbelievably shitty. I hope everything gets better from here on out.

    Really glad you came back to us. You were missed.

  6. PEOPLE DIE FROM DRINKING TOO MUCH WATER. One Gallon = roughly 7-8 lbs. Depending on your size, you MAY or MAY NOT be able to handle this. Particularly if someone is at a very low weight, they are at greater risk because their elecrolytes are probably already disrupted. Thus, drinking large amounts of water is even more dangerous! Proceed with CAUTION people and Google this if you don't believe me.

  7. Oh my God, I'm so glad you're safe and BACK!!!!
    I'm so sorry to hear about the show, and about having to go back inside.
    I hope everything gets right back on track quickly, love x x

  8. it is great to read ALL of your blogs and see how much support there is in this realm. everyone here seems insightful, unflinchingly honest and yet restrained when making judgments about each other. if only real life were like this.

    a psychologist would probably say that people who write public blogs such as this one are "destabilizing" and their actions are a cry for help. on the contrary, this venue is such a reprieve from the realities of every day existence. it is really amazing what can grow from sheer will and a little encouragement.