Monday, February 8, 2010


Dr. Phil...?/?//? seriously??? Are you a fucking lunatic? Why don't you go find one of the hundreds of girls on here whose careers wouldn't be completely DECIMATED by going on your little talk show. That being said, NEVER go on talk shows ladies. Those and reality tv are the most abusive, truth-distorting, ABOMINATIONS in this town. I literally went on an audition for a reality show when i moved out AUDITION. That means that there's nothing real about them at all!!!! They cast it full of attractive people (a lot of the time attractive doesnt even matter) who are so desperate for attention that they look past the fine print....the part where it says the studio/production can lie about you, cut the footage to make it look like you are the most henious person in the world, not come through and give you whatever reward was promised and pretty much destroy your lives in the process. So I repeat....FUCK NO!

Ok, on to more important matters. I didn't get a callback or the part. I spent all of Sunday sitting by the phone biting my lip (which now has a huge welt on the inside) and nothing...nada. I am trying very hard not to believe that this had anything to do with the 10+ pounds I have yet to shave off, though the thought has entered my mind. I did, however, get a call today from the casting director....the one with the glistening eyes. She wants me to come in for an audition for another "thing" (can't be too specific) she's working on right now. I'm gonna go, if for no other reason then I am so bored I could die right now and it'll give me something to focus on :)

The audition is on Friday so I'm on a 4 day fast til then. Day one went ok, day two is proving more difficult. I'm not going to weigh myself til Friday morning because sometimes I think that getting on the scale is a double edged sword. If I lost weight I feel great...but I also feel freer to endulge here and there, thus setting me back further. And if I gained I just feel like shit and hate myself and sometimes just say "aw fuck it" and eat. So I'm not going to step on the scale until friday morning! I make this pledge to you guys so i can't break it. I've attempted not weighing before and failed...that little plastic box is just so taunting... "step on me" "come on, who's it gonna hurt" "knowledge is power" BAH. Nope, not gonna do it!

Lastly, J. God I wish I could just make a decision and do it. I wish I could make someone else call her for me....someone cooler and nicer and more genuine. If I get the part on Friday I'll call her...if not I shall not. YES, now it is up to chance! I love it when decisions are out of my hands :) perhaps that's why I became an actress.


  1. I hate Dr. Phil...always have, always will. How do people not see through his bullshit? He has a book about weight loss....ummm, who the fuck is following that?! I mean LOOK AT HIM. You know what also annoys me about him/his show? His wife attends every taping and sits in the audience...I wonder what he had to do to get her to agree to do that! She has to put all her shit on hold just to go "support" him every day to make him appear like a wholesome family man, haha...that has got to suck.

    Anyways, it doesn't suprise me that most of the "reality" on tv is fake. Good luck on your fasting! I know you can do it...I've been reading your blog since near the beginning and know that you have the strength to do anything you put your mind too! It's very admirable, and you give hope to us all. I can't wait to see how your fasting and audition go.

    P.S. My blogger dashboard says you posted this about 45 minutes ago, but the time stamp on your post is from yesterday(Monday) can't be a time zone thing right? Because I think you're in LA and I'm in northern ya, I just thought the delay was super weird

  2. "Aww... f*ck it!" Is what I've been saying for like 3 days. Two of those days I threw everything up. Fasting is hard for me, unless I'm doing it for religious reasons. I can never do it just 'cause.... I've failed 2 days in a row; I'm going to try again tomorrow.

    Good luck with your fast! You seem so disciplined and determined; I'm sure yoiu'll make it :)

  3. Good luck for friday, I really hope you do well. I'm sure you can do anything you put your mind to!

    Let us know how you go!


  4. good luck at the audition!

  5. Thanks for the comment ^.^ He's forgiven me, and we're trying to move on etc.

    I hope you get whichever part you're auditioning for on friday, and forget about Dr Phil - it's fun to watch sometimes, purely because of the fact that it can make people feel better about themselves.


  6. Yeah, that comment was fucking retarded...
    Why the FUCK would you go n DR. PHIL!?
    And as far as everything else, I have faith you'll be thin and fabulous in time for your audition.
    Break a leg, and tell J how you feel.
    You know deep down you want to, so just do it.