Wednesday, February 18, 2009

another late post

again, i failed to post on my breaks. Perhaps it is time for me to stop promising. I talked to B today...well, he talked to me. He found me, i was on another set listening to my ipod (alanis, "jagged little pills," i don't know what it is about those songs but they just totally get me into the character and mindset of a teenager...i apologize to those of you who are teenagers as i was one recently and would have resented that ignorant stereotype). its just the kind of teenager i play is pretty angsty, which is great because i am SO anti-angst...and this lets me really experience my emotions and reactions to things that happen in a way i never allow myself  to do when i just play me. So B caught me and was all like, "we have to talk" and i was all like, oops what did you say, my earphones were in and i couldn't hear you...not true...and then he said "i really didn't mean for that to happen [my name], i've liked you for a while and i just didn't want it to happen like that." I coughed and sighed and blinked three times and noise....he says "do you maybe want to do something again sometime? just the two of us?" I said "no" too quickly, he looked punched, i told him i was involved with someone else. He looked slightly less sad. He asked who and i said i was keeping it on the dl. He understood and asked if we could be friends. I said sure and smiled as if i wanted to be his friend and as though we would hang out all the time and do friend shit together. I hope they kill off his character so i don't have to be around him anymore. I wish the fucking weekend would come. I have a 9 to 5 with J on Saturday and i'm psyched...cause i'm gonna wait the entire day and then if she doesn't ask me to do something by the end of the workout, i'm going to see if she wants to go to a movie...and hopefully she will say yes and perhaps my affair will begin and B will be dead...some tragic drunk driving episode, to make the kiddies more careful at those weekend keggers, wishful thinking. I want it to start, i think about her all the time. i've already accepted in my brain that it will happen...but then a part of me just LOVES the wanting part. Like i love wanting her and wanting her close to me...and wanting to say interesting shit so she'll laugh or be amazed...yes, i am prepared...but as you advised discretion is key.
still 109 this morning...very happy with that, perhaps i will be able to knock off the last 4 pounds in a week??? too lofty??? 105 would be crazy...i don't even know what i'll look like, i can't remember the last time i was early adolescence, when i was, like 3 inches shorter. Am super stoked to see what it will look like. Hoping i still look like me but excited at the prospect of an entirely new person showing up in the mirror! will post tomorrow! not saying when :P


  1. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and J. In lieu of any relationship I have to live vicariously through you!

  2. Yeah totally agree. =)