Ran upstairs to shower and wash the smell of others off...got naked, hopped on the scale and saw 109...i do not know how or why things cosmically work like this. The most horrendous things happen, followed immediately by the most splendid. I got into the shower and it was like, i had forgotten the bad night...it became a celebratory shower instead of a regret/yuck/dirty shower of morning-after shame. I didn't eat anything else on Sunday, then this morning i went to work, acted like nothing happened with B (he went with it thank god) and i think the crisis has been averted. Hopefully i have also learned my lesson and will no longer go out with people after things...other then J in utter and complete secrecy. It's always best to keep the things that are most important secret! don't you agree. Secrecy is the stone upon which i sharpen my blade!!!! Ok, off to bed, will bring laptop to set tomorrow and write, promise!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Photo shoot and waking up in weird places??
The photo shoot went well...but also horribly. It was actually the most fun i've had in a while, but also marked the beginning one of the worst nights ever. The mood was great at the shoot itself...and everyone was just, i dunno, nice...the set gets super formal, everyone just punching a clock and going off to their own space after takes. But this was great, because we HAD to joke and goof around so the photographer could get variety. We had to do something so few actors in this town can actually do well, but that which is also the foundation of acting...improv! It was fun...and B (for Boy and not his name)...love interest on show kept holding my hair up from behind me and kissing my neck...and i hate to say it, but it was fun being kissed and playing a person in love. It makes me want to be normal and in love with a guy who has a place of his own, and a dog, a white shaggy dog and oxford shirts i can wear to bed and wake up in. But its just a catalogue and i wouldn't actually know what to do with it. But i guess i wasn't thinking about the tragically stupid things i let myself do when i talk or take interest in others. Dad was at the shoot, and he mistook my adrenaline and yes, some hormones (ladies, being kissed on the neck is really just a turn on, hard not to get a little hot right???) for fun and me taking interest in a boy...so when i asked if i could go out with B and three of his friends (all of whom were girls) my dad said sure, and smiled and gave me cab money. Damn that man to hell. I went out with B, he drove...the girls were fun and they were nice to me...but not really nice, like, the fake LA nice that you get from everyone out here when you're doing well. I hate people. So B ignored the other girls, and kept stroking my neck and running his hands down my leg which is stupid, and babyish and i should have had my wits about me...but it was weirdly intoxicating, and we made out, and i drank, and i don't drink, and we had sex...which i absolutely hate because i associate it with pregnancy and fat...so i grabbed the morning after pill from the ER on my way home. B was still passed out when i left and i only hope to god there were no photographers anywhere we went last night...i'm sooo embarrassed and i do not in any way wish to share it with the world. Dad asked how were things last night and i smiled and laughed and said that we all fell asleep in a hotel room. He doesn't want to know anything. I know my dad.