Friday, January 30, 2009


Echhhh, I was 112 this morning....and it was like, 112.5 which makes noooo sense because i had NOTHING yesterday of any substance. I had a slice of 40 cal bread with a slice of turkey and cheese melted on it...and that was IT. At the very most it was 400 cals (which i doubt) so how does one GAIN weight eating 400 calories??? This world makes no sense. Thanks god my meeting with the producers isnt until Sunday. I also get to resume my twice weekly workouts with J come Monday, so the weight is less worrisome knowing that intensity is coming. There's just so much more at stake with my weight then just vanity or obsession...and entire viewing audience will be watching my body, judging at and reading in tabloids about it. Perhaps i'm getting ahead of myself...i mean, the studio hasn't even picked this up yet, so anything could happen between now and September. Thats how it works out here with get a script, you get actors, you build sets, you spend thousands of dollars shooting something that may never see the light of day. Oh well...i believe the studio actually already took half an option on this show...because of K's attachment to that means 6 episodes NO MATTER WHAT!!!! Thank god! AND, no matter what happens i get paid. I just get paid a SHIT TON more if it gets picked up for a full run! 
Hanna, to answer your question, YES my dad knows about this blog...he doesn't read it or know the password to get onto it, but he's not just my dad, he's also one of my agents and my manager and perhaps for most people this would be a monumental error, but it works for us. I'm sorry if it sounds strange or weird to you...but so many things have really really NOT worked for i'm not gonna fuck with it. I mean, if he lets me do whatever the fuck i need to do to get thin and to stay that way...why shut him out?? He helps, he helps a lot!!!! My dad's the only reason i'm not in a hospital right now...he's the only reason i have an agent at all, and he's the only person, other then you ladies, who i trust...and he's earned my trust. 


  1. I just finally was able to catch up on your posts... congratulations! I am so, so happy for you for getting the part! You sound so happy and I would be too if I were having my dreams unfold in front of my eyes. :)

  2. Yo! Weight is weird... I'm sure you'll be down tomorrow :]

    and that's so cool that you're that close with your dad. I sometimes wish I had a better relationship with with my parents.. But I also realize that the likelihood of that happening within the next few years is not so good. They kinda fucked me up and I need to get over them and become my own person and so on... At least I hope it works that way ha ha

    p.s. You do sound happy... I hope you are!