Pllleeaasse let the 23rd never come

OK, so i just have to say, having an ACTUAL reason to starve myself that the rest of the world/film industry deems legitimate is like fucking gold!!! I went to my acting coach this morning to work on my audition...the one i havent been able to shut up about because i'm so excited....and she told me how proud she is of me and how my will power makes her thing of Renee Zellweger, and how i could really make it in the business from what she's seen. She made me stand up in front of her and do a couple of turn so she could analyze my body. She smiled so big and said...wow "my name" i can't believe how much weight you've lost in two weeks. And then she went straight to business and we worked those lines till they were balls of dough in my hands. But no matter what else she said to me, the entire session, all i heard was what she said at the beginning of the session...about my will power! 

  Ok, back to everything else...i havent eaten solid food in 4 days now...which is fantastic. I got on the scale today and was 117, which is only 2 pounds away from my goal audition weight...but now i'm wondering if i can get to 113 before the big day...if i get another colonic or something...i dunno. I guess the body can only burn so much so fast...ughhhh!

  I have another session with J tomorrow and i can't wait for that. I can't quite get her out of my head. Its so weird...i really had started to fancy myself as Asexual...but then the other day, her hands were on my hip bones and that look of concern plastered over her tough but gorgeously chiseled face...and my heart just started to pound and i got this burning sensation in my chest and i just wanted to kiss her. God, if i am gay...that would kill my dad. I mean, he'd be crazed i think. Oh well, a girl can have her fantasy life right...i just won't tell him!

     My mom called last night...she's abroad at the moment...not really that interested in me or my dad anymore. She's kind of that type of a person, i learned it from her. She just DOES NOT CARE about anyone but herself...and i used to hate her for it...but now i admire it about her. I mean, she's never racked with guilt over missing a birthday or forgetting something important to someone she loves...she's completely anxiety free. It's amazing. I totally see why my dad fell for her. But i also understand why he had custody all those years...even though i would have given anything to quit school and go galavanting around the globe with her. Whatever. When things are going this well, its easy not to care. 

Ok, here's the plan...i'm gonna finish this post, sign off, go workout with J for 4 hours (maybe figure out if i'm gay or not), get a facial peel, come home....do facial peel...possibly post again, work on my lines.....hmmmm....then go to bed...and thats it. Ok, energy levels are high...just gotta keep it up! I totally don't want the 23rd to ever come. This is a wonderful way to live.