workout with J

Ughhh, i couldn't write last night because by the time i got home from my workout with J i barely made it to the bed before i passed out. It was amazing. I have NEVER worked out that hard before. My dad dropped me off at the gym to meet J at 9am and i got home at 7pm, like walking death. Only downside, J is not a pro ana advocate...so i had to eat. ON the upside, my dad did explain the part i'm up for and how its very important that my body is a weight burning machine right now. J gave me a lot of looks today...concerned looks that just fueled me and confirmed that i am looking thinner and that i possibly have a shot at this part after all! I explained to J that i really really needed exercises that would flatten my chest out. It's been getting smaller the past week, significantly smaller. My A bra is no longer necessary AT ALL (I am really proud of this fact because i haven't gone without a bras since i actually WAS 15). So this is a very very good sign. She had me doing massive pushup sets and hanging from bars too elongate my torso. It was great. I really really love J, and i know you all would too, because she's a crazy nazi in the gym. She yells and inspires and gets pissed if i don't do as much as she knows i'm capable of. I love it. I would follow her to the moon if she told me too! In fact, i havent really been attracted to anyone in a long fucking long time...so maybe i'm gay and i have a crush on J...that would be interesting. Ok, not gonna focus on my possibly ambiguous sexuality right now...i have to get these lines down for the audition. 

It's a fucking amazing part...i've been reading the pilot over and over again and i'm obsessed. I shouldn't give it away, but i'll give you some small things. I get to play this teen, abused by her mom and sent to live with her dad in a very Heidi-esq little town in the mountains. The producers are refusing to work with an actual teenager and my agent says i'm on the top of the list for this one...so my chances are hugeeee!!! 

Ahhhh, i'm just so fucking excited...which is making me not hungry AT ALL, so its wonderful...WONDERFUL!!! Dad and i are going to the spas tomorrow morning so i can get a colonic and he can get a massage. That should take off another pound or so before the big day. I just feel ridiculously lucky to have such an amazing dad who is so willing to put his life on hold to help me. And such supportive friends.

Ok, i haveeee to be off book by tomorrow so i can go to my acting coach ready and determined!!! Wish me massive amounts of luck...pllleaaassseee!!!! I will be 115 by my audition...and 110 before we start filming....yessss!!!